i'm a little nervous.. i went back to work as in work-ity work work work i'm not painting full time anymore just for now not for long :) i have a new job... just part time but it has been beyond full time hours...
do i like my job???
* YES *
but... i miss the freedom of my paintbrush... ... my time ... this ...makes me ... ... nervous ...
the past 3 years ... have really changed me ... all the moving ... deaths... ...divorce sorrow... ...new responsibilities
i would have never imagined this would be me
*** BUT IT IS ***
i feel stronger... wiser... happier... more capable..
soooo what's my deal??
it is getting very cold outside.... .....working in a traditional sense ..... ties me down to hours minutes seconds days on a clock...
images of ...scraping the windshield heating up the car... ....windchill factors waist high snow drifts...
i know i'm totally hormonal
i'm quite sure this makes no sense!!!
i just want ... my patio in the desert ... ... my daily hikes in the foothills ... ... sprinkler running at the park ... ... windows down ... paints canvas wood brushes flip flops tank top fabulous flowy skirt scent of blooming jasmine & orange blossoms roses roses roses warm sunshine electrical thunderstorms brilliant fiery sunsets cloudless blue skies twinkling dancing stars
i had it all ... right here ...
my old house
but guess what ???!?!?!
i have blue prints i can recreate better stronger lovelier than before right??
i like to visit with my dad regularly.. especially this time of year before snow falls & the ground is to cold for me to sit & stay long...
on my halloween visit ... i bring candy corn he liked candy corn... & i sit... just sit but within minutes i'm crying... it has been since july 2008 & time hasn't made it easier...
yesterday was a tough day ... i found myself just blocks from him so i decided to drop by for a halloween visit
there was a lot of action there ... not so much in visitors but in workers... i sat and watched them dig the graves ... it's a big machine with an auger.. the man with the machine was in his 40's gentle kind face.. broad shouldered ... what a job! i was fascinated ... i could have sat there for hours watching him...
then there was a couple.. they looked in their 30's... they were digging and placing the head stones... they looked almost like a married couple in their yard digging and planting annuals in the garden... shovel..small hand tools... again i was fascinated ...
there was such a calm... it didn't feel like an everyday routine it was calm... respectful... peaceful.. loving..
just what i needed.
i snapped these photos with my phone while i sat.. watching... munching candy corn & crying...
warm mismatched thick socks... melted marshmallows in hot chocolate... moss on tree trunks... freckles on a dogs nose... tall cold diet cokes with crushed ice... hugs... smiles from strangers... surprise calls from friends... walks through crimson colored leaves... my sons laughter... belief of friends & family... hand knit blankets... heart shaped rocks... polka dot tights... aromatherapy candles... love from shy cats... the feeling of wearing my dads socks... the thought of my mom on her morning swim... flying dreams... children learning to somersault... new paint brushes & colors... foot prints in mud...
funny thing about wine.... I LIKE IT NOW! yes now :) i didn't for years but now i think i prefer a riesling over a beer :) & if offered by such a cute wine butler.. i'm so there!! :) you know drill just click here or photo for painting :) i finished bunny commission... wanna see??
i'm easy i love bunnies that would be gizmo... i think? the glasses sorta trick me hmmmm what do you think? gizmo?? awe... yes gizmo!!
so i've been hanging out with my dogs in the pasture too.. it has been AMAZING weather in Minnesota!! the trees are bright colored gumdrop & lollipop trees... my absolute favorite time of year!!
herbie & ruby seem to be enjoying it .. but they love any day rain snow freezing cold... and i wish i did too!! my big boy herbie ... ... LOVE ... we are watching Miss ruby.. the beauty queen ... this is the jockey shot .. it is see it??? i love a photo with sun spots... orbs.. crazy but i hope it's my dad or sister...
soooo thats where i've been.. painting commissions painting my old house.. painting for me .. smiling & being happy... loving on my son & dogs!! that simple :) what else right?!?!?
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.
5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.
10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.