**** nervous ****

i'm a little nervous..
i went back to work
as in
work-ity work work work
i'm not painting full time anymore
just for now
not for long
:)
i have a new job...
just part time
but
it has
been
beyond
full
time hours...

do i like my job???

* YES *

but...
i miss the freedom of my paintbrush...
... my time ...
this
...makes me ...
... nervous ...

the past 3 years ...
have really changed me
... all the moving ...
deaths...
...divorce
sorrow...
...new responsibilities

i would have never imagined this
would
be
me

*** BUT IT IS ***

i feel
stronger...
wiser...
happier...
more capable..

soooo
what's my deal??

honestly???

it is getting very cold outside....
.....working in a traditional sense .....
ties me down
to
hours
minutes
seconds
days
on a clock...

images of
...scraping the windshield
heating up the car...
....windchill factors
waist high snow drifts...

i know
i'm totally hormonal

i'm quite sure
this makes no sense!!!

i just want
... my patio in the desert ...
... my daily hikes in the foothills ...
... sprinkler running at the park ...
... windows down ...
paints
canvas
wood
brushes
flip flops
tank top
fabulous flowy skirt
scent of
blooming jasmine
&
orange blossoms
roses roses roses
warm sunshine
electrical thunderstorms
brilliant fiery sunsets
cloudless blue skies
twinkling dancing stars

i had it all
... right here ...




my old house

but
guess
what
???!?!?!

i have blue prints
i can
recreate
better
stronger
lovelier
than
before
right??

ok

so that calms me
a little
bit

ahhhhhhhhh
......
** maggie **