Tuesday, December 28, 2010

***smiling ..looking back.. kissing you goodbye 2010***

sooooo
new years is around the corner
wow
this year flew by!!!

im not big on resolutions
like
*i will lose weight
*make a million
*get a six pack
........
me
i'm more into resolving
*
i want to be thankful for my past year
learn from it
resolve
&
move forward
*** if i lose weight.. make a million & get a 6 pack **BONUS ***

2010

another year that hit me
hard core

i learned
sooooooooooo
much*

where do i start??

colman
* my amazing sunshine *
he's 13
will hug me goodnight..
tell me he loves me..
remember
***he is 13** im so lucky ***
&
they said it wouldn't last
:)


he laughs with me
holds my hand when it's slippery
catches me when i fall
goes to movies with me
....even chick flicks ...
out to dinner
sledding
wants me to cut his hair instead of me taking him somewhere
&
when he hates it
says
" it's not your fault.. i should have told you what i wanted better "
*seriously.. what a doll.. his new cut is really cute tho*
he smiles & laughs & jokes
with
me
is my biggest fan
&
i am
his
as much as i can't erase the pain of the divorce
i wish
i could
all
i can do is
love
&
get along with his daddy
&
that
i do!

*resolve*

my divorce
yes
a big
OUCH
looking back
* i realize i was so fortunate *
i raised my son
i
painted
hiked
biked
played
all with colman
*everyday*
we lived in our dream home
i started a successful business
****
that
i
will
have supporting me again in this coming year

****
..my needs were met ..
..our needs were met..
the
love
it didn't stop with his dad
just changed...
just wasn't what we both needed after 15 years

*resolve*

work
i like it
but
does it like me???

i hesitate to say anything about my job
i am so grateful for it
i work with
some
AMAZING PEOPLE
but honestly
more
griping
bitching
moaning
not
so
amazing people

ish
"would you shut it already people"


so
i'm quiet
don't say much
i just
do my job
smile & giggle
with a few
&
that's what i will do

i forgot not everyone will like you
i of course for years only had to deal with people who liked
me
enjoyed
my art
my dogs
we shared interests

duh maggie???

*i miss being liked for just being me*
i painted
made people
smile
laugh
remember a moment
a pet
a child
a friendship
it meant something
&
it was appreciated

*it is what i dreamed of doing*

i realize now how much
* i miss my paint brushes*
* i miss being "liked"*
i realize
*i would have colored my hair & disguised my age
had i worked a traditional job*
yep
that was a shocker ...
me
????? conform ?????
i never thought the work place was such an
influential & discriminating
place
but
it
is

i never thought i was
"old"
apparently
i am
i never thought i would say
"geez that generation sucks"
but
yep
i said it
i'm
old
or
yes indeed
i am correct
*that generation sucks*

i knew i was fortunate
now i
KNOW
i want it back
to
work
live
be
&
*make a living making myself & others happy*

HUH??

almost unheard of
but
i had it
still do
just need to
focus

* perhaps a few classes back teaching the kids art will help*

i realize that the last few years ...
i had a extremely full plate
was grieving so much
&
it takes time to heal
now
i'm ready

...house sold...
...we have started looking for new places...
...we close in 2 weeks ....
im overwhelmed with having to move
all my possessions into storage until i find a place
....but i can do this...
simple
next move...
our
new home
* mine & colmans *

* resolve*

my paint brushes..
digging out my mailing lists & getting back what i had but better
*PRIORITY*

finding my place in this world
as a single woman
happy
capable
dreaming
hoping
&
making it happen
will be
a
reality

on my own
with my
colman
our dogs
shy cat
family & friends
that believe in me
in
us

* resolve *

i hope your 2010 was full of
lessons learned
growth
love
&
found peace
&
that
your
2011
well...
be the same
just
* more sparkling *
sounds pretty good yea??

*hold on tight & believe*
~ maggie ~

2 comments:

indie grrrl said...

i LOVE YOU for YOU! Always have, always will!
xoxoxoxoxo

Meliss said...

Yeah, I second what Sandy said.

Also, the end of 2010 was a total B for me! Got stabbed in the back by two different people - one was a friend who called herself my sistah, the other my f'ing own daughter! So, you are not alone in kissing 2010 off.

Even though a lot of what happened behind it sucked, your post is very inspiring and uplifting. Love that music too!

~squeezies~
Meliss