*** my sonshine ***

thats him

* my sonshine *

he'll be 15 on sunday

yes

15

!!!!!!!!

* i know i can hardly believe it myself *

...you may ask why i call him sonshine...

..well duh..

look at that warm ray of light!!

*

i know im totally his mom huh?

 you know the song

"you are my sunshine"

right?

well

...i like many women had a rough delivery....

he was several days late

...his actual due date was april 23rd...

i will never forget the night before i went in to be induced

*may 4th*

i had a dream

 .....he was just hanging out ...

wearing a top hat

swinging a cane

doin' a little soft shoe

taking
 his
 own
 sweet
 time

*

the next day

....i sat at the hospital with babies being born all around me...

but

nope

not mine
 * 

 on

may 6th

they went in to get him!

my

"lusty"

sounding

goo-less baby was born

* seriously no goo *

but

....he was whisked away...

his lung had collapsed

....they put him in a tent....

a
bubble

 over his little

bucket crib bed

in the
 NICU

....i was terrified...

i was stiched up & brought in to him

all i could see from my gurney

...was feet...

huge

feet

!!!

to the gasps of nurses

i sat up freshly belly stitched

 &

i tickled those toes

*

24 hours later

....they brought him to me...

those 24 hrs

longer

 * than the 9 PLUS months until i laid my eyes on him *

we had to stay a few more days

then

he stopped breathing in my arms

my baby was blue.

....completely...

BLUE

i called the nurse screaming

his dad started CPR

...a band of nurses ran in...

 &

whisked him away

they saved him

& 

again

he was in

 NICU

*

i didnt sleep

....i sat in there & held my baby...

he was hooked up to soo many monitors

all the

beeps & false alarms

i held my baby & rocked him 

wires & all

...trying to drown out the beeps...

i sang the only song i knew

* you are my sunshine *

the night before he turns 15

i can honestly say

as i struggle to

make

my

mark

in the world

*

i  realize 

he
is
my mark

* 

my

amazing

mark
 has been

made
&
continues to be made
....every moment of every day....
 i cherish him
&
 his sweet soul responds
  

*

happy 15th birthday
 to 
you
my
  sweet sonshine

*

***i love you***
ps: your brighter than the sun!!!